currently: a thursday edition

loving:

the fact that in a few days, I will have a new kitchen! We are refacing, and my pretty glass knobs will FINALLY be attached to and doing their job on the cabinet doors.

reading:

"Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe." A few close momma friends and I are reading along together and discussing the questions at the end of the chapters and on the blog. I can't even tell you what this book is doing to my heart. I feel just drenched in encouragement and determination to be the mother God designed me to be and my children need me to be.

waiting for:

Spring. I planted almost 100 bulbs in my front beds this past fall and I can't wait for them to emerge.

excited about:

our upcoming annual OBX trip - just a few weeks!

trying to:

find a pretty chair for my new desk area in the kitchen. 

working on:

a cute little seat/bench for my sewing table.  My mom pulled it out of the trash on the side of the road and it's in perfect condition- just needed the worn red leather seat covered in pretty fabric and a spray of grey paint.  I don't have a before picture, but I'll share the after picture, well, after. :)

enjoying:

this little 5 month old... and the fact that she loves to politely fold her hands all the time.

using:

my coffee maker waaayyyy too much lately.  Oh but how I love a warm cup in the morning... and afternoon.... and perhaps a decaf in the evening [insert wide-eyed emoticon here].

wearing:

my new Stitch Fix mint striped cardigan today.

planning:

some great She {hearts} It reviews & giveaways to be posted in the next few weeks.  Isn't our new design pretty?

singing:

a silly "Evyn Mae" song that I made up.  We've also been calling Evyn "Mae-Mae" lately.  It has just stuck - and I so love it.

needing:

to go to bed earlier.

learning:

(from the "Desperate" book) that my mothering needs to be not based on the expectations of our culture, people around me, or even family.  It needs to be guided only by scripture.  Sally Clarkson has been blowing my momma mind.

listening to:

the Tinkerbell (Brynlee is currently obsessed with fairies) movie, a nail gun, and Evyn stirring over the monitor.

wishing:

I knew exactly when my best friend's baby was coming so I could guarantee that I will be there when the baby is born (and it is SO a girl - I am convinced, even though they are not finding out until baby comes).  I am going to try my very hardest to be there - I'm just praying it all lines up.

doing:

not well in my vow to start running (again).  This weekend is go-time.  Ryan and I, along with a few others, are doing the Color Run in two months and I need to improve this 13 mile/minute pace nonsense I've got going on here!

dreaming of:

finding a mentor, living out my passions, and truly & confidently embracing all I am called to do and be. 

tuesday brain dump

Brain dump time! Apparently my new blogging motto is "all or nothing" because I'm either silent for a month or word-vomit typing. Here we go.

- Blogging. I love it, need to do it, am obsessed with reading blogs, and still use nursing sessions to devour my google reader list, saving my favorite blogs for last. I SO WANT TO BLOG every day or even every other... or heck once a week. Obviously it's not been something that's possible for the past few months (I don't think I really need to explain WHY) and I keep talking about how I want to do it and whine about it when I don't. So I AM going to do it more. For me and to continue to preserve this little space. Oh and I am just giddy over my little blog makeover... Molly is the bomb. If you're looking for a sweet soul to make your blog the prettiest, look no further.

- Giveaway. Coming so soon! I have the goods gathered, now just need to photograph them. Look for my "Winter Essentials" giveaway by the end of this week!

- A-dubs. My girl Ashley is coming to visit me on Thursday! I am SO EXCITED! I haven't seen her since the summertime when I was 26 weeks pregnant with Evyn, and when I see her in a few days she will be 30 weeks pregnant with her baby boy. Crafting and chatting and coffee... hurry up and get here, Ash!

- Projects. SO MANY IN MY MIND. I want to do all of them. Mostly house stuff and some half-done, started, or I have gathered supplies for but haven't started. I am crawling out of the post-baby funk (which was not that bad this time around but has left me desperate to take some time and create things... ALONE) and am so inspired to do ALL THE PROJECTS. But then I get overwhelmed with all I want to do and then am left paralyzed. And then the guilt of the presence of unfinished/unstarted baby books and picture-taking-slacking wells up... baby steps. Care for my babies first, but take baby steps in the direction of not losing myself in the craziness of this season.

- An effort to look human. Just a few little attempts to look a little more decent in the day-to-day. I'm a little late jumping on this bandwagon, but wow, is dry shampoo awesome. I just bought the cheap Suave kind, and I love it. The smell is amazing and it makes my hair feel so fresh. I'm also really into light grey nail polish lately and finally got my hands on some. (OPI french quarter for your thoughts)

A fresh cut and color and pretty sweater doesn't hurt either. 

- DF/GF. I went dairy-free when Brynlee was about 4 months old and when Mac was about the same age. I exclusively nursed them, and both were showing signs of intolerance. So now that Evyn is almost 4 months old, I figured I had better just go ahead and cut myself off from dairy as a precaution. Now I confess, I also want to start shedding this baby weight (everyone told me it would be the hardest with #3 and BOY ARE THEY RIGHT) and I lost so much when I went off of dairy with the others so I'm hoping this helps. I also have dropped gluten because I read it can help with your skin amongst other things. SO, since Friday I haven't had a bit of dairy or gluten and feel fab. I don't even feel deprived when I have a lunch that looks like this:

The black things in the middle are chia seeds, and I'm not sure why I waited so long to incorporate them into my life. The benefits are awesome! I just add a tablespoon here and there in foods that I can easily put them in (smoothies, peanut butter, salads).

- Running. Remember when I ran a half marathon? Well, after that I took a YEAR off of running. Sadness. I've been wanting to get out there again, but the combo of kids & weather & no treadmill has, um, delayed my efforts. Then, Raechel threw out an idea to put together a team to keep each other accountable in the running department. Yes! I was able to get out a few times since then (weekends and 60 degree January days are my friends) but the high today is 12 degrees so I think I'll spend the rest of the day snuggled in with my babies. At least I have the will, right? I'm hoping this push to run will help with the whole losing the baby weight endeavor, too.

Brain dump over. Have a happy Tuesday, friends.

13.1 #teamfmf

Despite the fact that our TN trip was almost two weeks ago, I am going to try my hardest to document it to its fullest, because that's what it deserves!

Oh, boy. The trip, the people, the marathon. I really can't express the amazingness, you had to be there.


Ryan and I arrived in Nashville on Wednesday night.  I had woken that morning with a suspicious sore throat and it had gotten worse throughout the day.  By the time we got to Nashville I was like the living dead.  Seriously, I was SO SICK.  I was so delirious walking through the airport, yet was with it enough to observe how gorgeous the Nashville airport was- the nicest I've ever been in.

We stayed at a super cool hotel in Franklin, and I felt so bad that I was so sick and didn't appreciate it the way I wanted to.  Honestly, on Thursday and Friday I was sure that I was not going to be able to run the race on Saturday and was truly just hoping I would not literally die.  I don't get sick often, so when I do I get weird(er).

Thursday morning, we headed back to the Nashville airport (me drugged up with cold meds, ibuprofen, and throat numbing spray) to pick up Ashley, aka A-dubs.  I knew I was gonna like this girl, but I didn't realize what an understatement that would be.  She's a friend for life, HILARIOUS, and we've been texting nonstop since the race.  LOVE her!

We nervously made the drive back to Franklin (come on, we were about to meet Raechel Myers!) and made a pitstop at Starbucks to bring peace offerings of caffeine.  After a Ryan Myers and David Ferriss celebrity sighting, we headed to the Myers' house to spend the afternoon playing with sweet, sweet Hazel (Mac's future wife... she loved seeing pictures and videos of "Mac Mac" on my phone), making some Nourish potions (Ashley and I equally sucked at pouring lip balm... good thing we had Ryan to police us) and getting some behind the scenes action, being fed delicious food, and getting to know Raechel.  I was feeling better, but between the sickness and being nervous I was a mess inside.  Such an emotional rollercoaster this trip was!

After the Dukes' showed up, the guys got to work on some guy car stuff and the girls headed to Franklin to do some walking around and browsing in the cute, cute shops downtown.  We met up with beautiful Olivia and did our thing.  Then, we met up with the guys at a pub and ate so much delicious food (sensing a theme here?  You think we were there to run?!  Think again).

Note: these pictures were either taken with my phone, swiped from other people's phones, or taken by Ryan Myers. Quite the conglomeration!

Self portrait with Hazel
Olivia, Keight, me, and Ashley downtown
my baby's name carved on the table right in front of my seat at the pub, it made me smile
Raechel and me (wow, love that girl.  She is more amazing in real life than I expected.  She also handled the organization of this whole weekend with such grace and made sure we all felt so welcome.  She's so inspiring to me.)

Friday was a day of nerves and fun.  We picked up Ashley's (and now MY) friend Jenn at the airport around 9 and headed to Memphis.  We ate some BBQ for lunch and headed to the expo to pick up our race bibs and such.  We met the rest of our teammates and checked into our hotels.  Dinner was pasta and fun times with our team.  Bedtime was early but I tossed and turned for hours.  I was such a bundle of nerves.  I felt better when I was pumped up on medicine, but otherwise I was a sick mess.  Plus, I was still so worried about my shin and hoping it would make it through the race.


We got up super early on Saturday morning (was it 5? 6?  I don't even remember) and met up with everyone, all protein bar-ed, Gatorade-d and ibuprofen-ed up.  We nervously made our way downtown and shivered in the cold.  We (well, I) tried not to look petrified as Ryan (Myers) snapped photos of us as we got situated, pinned our bibs on, and stretched.  I was feeling good, sickness-wise, and was gonna kill this race.  No enlarged tonsils were going to stop me.

Team Kirnan and Team Ashley - both unstoppable

Eager and nervous- ignorance is bliss, right?  Each of these people are so wonderful- I'm so privileged to call them my friends.

We parted ways and headed to our corrals- #13, baby!  11:30-13/min mile pace!  Stop being judgy.

And we were off!  Just like that.

me - Ashley - Katie - Kerry feelin good at mile .5- don't worry, that pep was short lived!

Katie Vick and I paired up and ended up running the entire race together.  Let me tell you, that girl is awesome.  Her knee was bothering her but she pushed through.  Honestly, I would not have been able to keep going if it wasn't for her.  We encouraged each other, took walking breaks together, and made wisecracks to each other all 13.1 miles.  Love her!  And, the best part is- she loves my kids (and she hasn't even met them yet)... live-in nanny, anyone?! ;)

Oh, Elvis guys.  I know we were in Memphis, but sheesh.

We ran through the St. Jude campus at mile 4.  This race was so emotional for me for many reasons.

First off, I was actually doing it: bum shin, sickness, and all.  I never thought I would ever become a runner.  I used to die running the mile in school.  A 5k was a laughable fantasy.  Here I was, in real running clothes, with real runners, running in a real HALF MARATHON with people constantly cheering and holding up signs on the sidelines.  It was breathtaking.

Second, for the real reason we were running: for the patients and families of St. Jude.  Those kids and families are so brave and go through so much pain on a daily basis.  I think a little discomfort/sickness on my part is quite low on the totem pole of importance.  The signs, the "in memory of" shirts (of children who lived very short lives, some losing their battles very recently), the high fives.  It was almost too much to handle.  I was choked up running through the campus, but the sign that got me and made me ugly cry was the one a girl, probably my age, held up at the campus' exit: "Because you run, I'm a survivor."  Oh, those kids and those families.  I definitely left a piece of my heart on those streets of Memphis.

Note: It is impossible to ugly cry and run at the same time, because you need to be able to breathe to run. 
True story.

Third, the magnitude of what we were doing (running and raising money to support the treatment of the patients and research) really hit me when, as a mother, I thought about my own kids and what it must be like for the parents of those patients to see thousands of people running and raising money for their children.  13.1 miles is far, but how far would I run to find a cure for cancer if one of MY children were sick?  I don't think I need to answer that in specifics, but I can say it would be FAR.  With every step, I thanked God for my husband, my children, our health.  Life is such a gift, and I must live as though I truly believe that.

The entrance to the St. Jude campus

Katie and I pushed through, stopping every few miles to walk and grab water and energy Chomp things.  My shin ached and Katie's knee bothered her, and at about mile 9.5 my muscles felt like they had turned to jelly.  I really struggled those last few miles, but we kept encouraging each other and putting one foot in front of the other.  Pretty soon, the end was in sight, and the last little stretch was downhill into a stadium, which housed the finish line.  We both got a burst of energy, sprinted down that hill, rounded the corner into the stadium (and heard our names being read over the loudspeaker, so cool!) and grabbed hands as we crossed the finish line.  WE DID IT!  2:52, baby!!!

 Jenn, Ashley, me and Katie at the FINISH - Me and Katie with our medals- not sure why:
1) my teeth look so huge,
2) my hat is poking Katie in the eye, and
3) Katie looks like a supermodel after running a half marathon.  Grrr.

Exhausted and happy!

After the race, we went back to the hotel and napped, showered, and got ready for dinner.  We went to a great BBQ (duh) place and ate and ate.  I was lucky enough to snag a seat next to Keight, who is so stinkin beautiful and probably the funniest person I've ever met.  Not to mention her kids and my kids are the exact same ages (just reversed genders) and she's a talented seamstress and fabulous wife.  Hello, intimidation! 

Don't miss my nub of an arm.

After dinner, we found another restaurant to just relax and hang out for a bit.  The guys played around with the fat/bald/geek/whatever booth apps on Ryan's phone and we just enjoyed each other's company on our last night in Memphis.  Aren't these girls so beautiful?!  Let me tell you, each of them were even more beautiful on the inside, and I'm honored to call them my friends.

Sunday was filled with goodbyes and traveling.  I was so sad to go, but so glad to get home to our babies.  I had never left them for that long (almost 5 days) or been that far away from them (1,300 miles!) before.  My mom did a great job keeping them happy and healthy but I was so glad to snuggle them again.

So that's it.  We did it.  And now I'm crazy enough to consider doing another 1/2 marathon in April.  Who AM I?!  Thanks again for the amazing experience, #teamfmf.  Through your support, encouragement, and strength you all (ya'll?!) made me able to do something that I never dreamed I could do!

For a more thorough account of the race weekend, check out Raechel's post, or for a more hilarious one check out Keight's post!

checking in

Oh, wow.  Just wow.  This weekend came, went, and I'm still wondering if it was a dream.  Between our travels, me getting sicker than I've been in years, meeting new friends (like, for life friends), missing my babies, and running 13.1 miles, I find it hard to believe it all actually happened. 

I have so, so much to catch up on and share... I want to share pictures from Mac's party, our family photo shoot, a fun Poppy Chain giveaway (for once, hosted by ME!), some fun projects, big family news, and, of course, a full marathon weekend rundown!  Ahh, looking at that list makes me want to just take a nap.  I'm not even unpacked from the weekend! 

I will get posting as soon as I can catch up on life... but for now will leave you with this:  PROOF that I tackled and defeated 13.1...

daybook

Outside my window...

it is cloudy but the current temperature is 69 degrees.  Whaaaaat?!

I am thinking...

about how nervous and excited I am to leave for Tennessee tomorrow.  I have so much to do beforehand!  I still haven't started to pack!

I am thankful for...

my momma who will be wrangling my kids for the next few days!

I am learning...

to not put a timeline on God's plans.

I am creating...

Christmas decorations!  And orders for my Etsy shop!

I am going...

crazy.  Haha.

I am hearing...

Brynlee talking when she's supposed to be napping and the hum of the washing machine.

Around my house...

it looks like a bomb went off!  The glow of the Christmas tree makes me happy, though.

One of my favorite things...

is the sweet "muah" Mac lets out as he plants a kiss on me!

A few plans for my week...

to clean up and pack, send out some orders, catch our flight to TN, meet some new friends, run a half marathon Saturday... you know, no big deal.

A picture...

Carrie gave me the pictures she took from Mac's party and from our little family shoot (will share the rest soon) and I love this one of me and my boy right before his party:

 

Catch ya when I return... hopefully I will still have two working legs!

thursday ramble.

For some reason, I feel like rambling on Thursdays.

Funny, because I feel like I have nothing interesting to say most of the time, but then sometimes I write posts in my head so fast that I usually forget most of what I want to say.

I'm still trying to dig deep and find that fun, crafty inspired feeling that has been so absent lately. Thank you, friends, for your sweet, SWEET comments on my last complain-ey post. They lifted my spirits so much.

This week, we are (still) trying to unpack from our whirlwind weekend in NY, which included Mac's birthday party. The pictures from the party are not yet in my possession (my DEAR Carrie was kind enough to be my photographer while chasing her own 3 kids around as well) but I will share them when I get them. The party was a great success, and Mac displayed some impressive cake smashing/inhaling abilities. Not like we expected any less from him.

We're also trying to get over the sickies over here. Nasty noses all around! Momma's also feeling pretty icky, with weird headaches and dizzy spells. I'm thinking sinus issues. I've been SO TIRED, too (FYI I AM NOT PREGNANT! Like, for sure.)... yesterday I napped, and then at night I planned to iron all of Ryan's work shirts, hem some pants for my sis, and watch the CMAs. Instead, I went to bed at 9. Oops. Woke up this morning feeling like I hadn't slept at all, even though I got at least 9 hours of sleep. Hoping to be a little productive during nap today... or maybe I'll just be productive in my dreams. ;)

Ok... GOOD news. I went to the doctor yesterday, and after an xray and and MRI... NO STRESS FRACTURE! He said there is swelling in my shin muscle and bone but no break. I've never been so grateful for "just" shin splints! Now I need to ease back into running, since I have taken a few weeks off and the race is in just a bit more than 3 weeks. Eeeek!

thursday ramble.

Hi friends.

First of all, I want to say a big old welcome to any and all new visitors/followers stopping by from various giveaways and whatnot.  Thanks for visiting and sticking around if you feel inclined to do so. :)

Second of all, I am just totally in a blah, uninspired rut these days. Not sure if it's the dreary weather, this time of year (hello, SAD), or what. I've also had to tidy up my long list of blog reads, partly because it was getting out of control, but also partly because I think TOO much inspiration leads to the blahs, for me anyway. It's easy to get down on yourself and feel inadequate when you see all the gorgeous and professional blog designs, projects, and photos out there in blogland.

Besides the blahs, I've been feeling simply like I can't keep my head above water. Totally overwhelmed by day to day life. I know it's more than just the winter blahs (and, no worries, I'm under a doctor's care :) ) but it's so easy to think that everyone else has it all together while you are drowning in the hecticness (apparently not a real word, but whatev) of the day to day. Working moms, how do you DO it?

I'm loving this new stage Mac is in: the mobility, the curiosity, the FUN personality that is shining through. It's been so hard to keep up with him, though... he is like a bouncy ball from one thing to get into to the next. Yesterday he bit his tongue so hard (he fell under my sewing table, which is in the dining room, which is a prohibited area, aka the best place to play ever). Blood everywhere, and I was afraid he needed stitches. I called my mom, who calmed me down and luckily the blood stopped. Poor baby. He's also been a fan of playing in the dishwasher, playing in the fireplace (he just knocks the screen right down) and eating ashes, ripping the outlet covers out of the outlet, and so on. We haven't had any more stairs incidents, thank God.

So I should be able to keep up with my healthily curious little boy and sponge big girl, right? Of course. Can I? Of course. It's hard not to think, though, that as a stay at home mom I really don't have the right to be overwhelmed. It's such a struggle.

So I'm led to my last topic/worry/discouragement. Since living here in MA, we've gotten to know some great people at our church and I've just arranged with a sweet teenage girl to come over a few times a week after school to hang out with the kids while I go for a run. Great idea! We all win, and I get to run when it's not pitch black out (which happens so early here already). I can train and even get a little break. So today, I'm going to pick her up and bring her over, but instead of having a nice run in the rain (LOVE that) I'm going to head to the hospital to get a few x-rays instead. With only a few weeks left until the half marathon, I fear that I have a stress fracture in my shin and have been in lots of pain for a few weeks. Deep breath. I am absolutely terrified that the doctor (who I will see on Monday) is going to tell me I can't train and can't participate in the marathon. I would be so completely crushed, especially this far into the game.

So, friends, I know it's silly and I am so blessed and should not be so discouraged, but could I humbly ask for some prayers that the injury is not too bad and I can resume running soon? And perhaps some prayers that if I DO have to recover longer than I would like, that I would have peace?

It feels good to get all that off my chest. I'm hoping to get inspired again quickly and get going on my weekly 52/1 post. I did add a few new items to my Etsy shop this week, but I feel like that's kinda cheating to use that as a 52/1. Perhaps I need to step out of my comfort zone and start tackling some "what I wore" posts or things like that. Thanks for letting me vent.

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.

2 Chronicles 20:17

a Saturday 5K

I figured with the St. Jude Half Marathon coming up in less than 3 months, I had better do a couple of races this fall to get into the groove.  This morning, I participated in a 5K to benefit our town's Special Olympics.


I was so nervous!  I haven't run a race in four years, and I was so jittery beforehand.  I am NOT a morning runner, nor do I run well in heat/bright sunshine.  This morning's race included all of those things.  Yikes! 


Beforehand, feeling jittery but rather cocky and confident.  I was put in my place very quickly!

I started off pretty fast, with my first mile time clocking in at 9:16.  I am so convinced that running is like 75% mental and 25% physical.  I wish I could just turn my brain OFF when I run.  I try hard to get lost in thought about projects or something else I love, instead of yearning for the miles to go by faster or thinking about how hot and dizzy and tired I am feeling.  I started to focus on how many people were passing me and how slow I seemed to be compared to them, and I slowed down even more.  Then the couple taking turns pushing a disabled boy (actually he was probably closer to teen-age, so he must have been pretty heavy) in a stroller passed me and my ego deflated completely.  Then, at about mile 1.5, a huge hill loomed ahead of me.  I pushed up the hill and turned the corner at the top.  The stretch ahead looked pretty flat, so I just kept going, even though I so badly wanted to stop.  The last half mile or so was almost completely downhill, which I was so grateful for.  Ahhh.


I loved seeing Ryan and the kids waiting for me at the finish line.  I slowed down for the last 20 yards or so, so Brynlee could run with me.  She LOVED being able to run in the race and cross the finish line!  I gotta say, it was adorable.

I finished at 32:09, with a 10:21 mile pace.  I wanted to top at around 30:00, but keeping in mind all the factors that were against me, I'm okay with my time.  I did finish 4th in my age group, but there were (ahem) only six women in my age group, so I'm not sure how proud of that ranking I should be.  Haha. 


Sweaty, tired, and so glad to be finished and holding my babies again. And that is Brynlee's "cheese" face, lovely.
 

I'm hoping to do a few more races before the big one.  It really does feel amazing to cross the finish line, even after a measly 3 miles.  A few of my Finding My Feet team members ran a 10K last weekend (you HAVE to read Keight's post... hilarious and so touching!) and I can't even imagine racing double what I ran this morning.  Plus I have 6.5 to pound out tomorrow to keep up with our training regimen.  At least it helps me not feel so guilty about the huge Chipotle burrito I had for dinner tonight or the yummy Trader Joe's coffee ice cream I just finished off. :)

finding my feet

So I'm going to do something a little crazy. I have been wanting to run a marathon for awhile now, inspired by my SIL Leah. I've run on and off throughout the past 10 years or so, but never more than a mile or two at a time. I ran the RWC Homecoming 5k a few years ago and that was the extent of my race experience. So when Raechel (whose blog I've read for ages) extended an open invitation to get a team together and run the St. Jude Half Marathon in Memphis in December, I died a little inside, knowing that there would be pretty much zero chance that I would be able to participate. Not only did I want to have a great goal like running a half (and have the accountability because I would HAVE to run it after being sponsored and all) but I thought it would be just so great to meet up with some blog friends in real life. So, after talking with Ryan and hemming and hawing for a long time, I pulled the trigger and registered for the race.

I am so stinking nervous. Not about meeting friends I've only known in blogland in real life (since this is not the first time we've traveled great distances to do so... that was one of the BEST trips ever!), but I am scared silly to run those darn 13.1 miles and literally not fall over and die during or after. I have worked up to 5 miles, and being part of a great team is encouraging me greatly. The Nike+ challenges that our team have been participating in have stirred in me a deep rooted competitiveness that I didn't really know was there! I definitely have finally, for the first time ever, truly experienced a runner's high. I'm addicted!

Please feel free to visit our team page and become a sponsor. Every little bit helps this great cause. I'm super grateful for this opportunity, and I'll be sure to document my progress as December 3rd approaches!