Wednesday, January 2, 2013

one word - enough.

Last year (and the year before), I chose a word for the year. It's a word to inspire, strive for, encourage.

Last year, my word was patience. I scribbled it on my little chalkboard canister and it stared at me from my kitchen window sill all year.



I can't say I was super successful in becoming the most patient & kind girl this year... but I did try. I also lectured my kids quite enough on how important it is to be so... yet I'm not sure I was a living, breathing example most of the time.

This year, I majorly struggled to find "my" word. I felt like nothing could truly encompass the magnitude of what I wanted to change and to dwell on.

Finally, it hit me: enough.

I have, for FAR too long, tried to be enough.

Patient enough. Neat enough. Kind enough. Organized enough. Friend enough. Mother enough. Wife enough. Daughter enough. Steadfast enough. Creative enough. Involved enough. Loud enough. Quiet enough. Supermom enough. Skinny enough. Healthy enough. Talented enough. Strong enough. Cool enough. Brave enough. Loving enough. Confident enough. Funny enough. Quick-thinking enough. Interesting enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. Witty enough. Tender-hearted enough. Calm enough. Wise enough. Leader enough. Determined enough. Gracious enough. Giving enough. Stylish enough. Graceful enough. Having-it-together enough.

GOOD enough.

PERFECT ENOUGH.

Is that enough adjectives for you? I really could go on and on.

For far too long, I have tried to be enough without Jesus. Yes, I believe in Him, trust Him, and follow Him, but I still want to do it ALL on my own. It's time for me to let HIM be enough (because, duh, He is) and accept that I AM enough WITH Him.

[Side note - ever write or say a word so many times that your brain plays tricks on you and you question if that word is even a real word? I'm there. Ha.]

I'm going to keep it real here. Yesterday, I was talking to Brynlee about New Year's resolutions. I explained that some people like to think of things they want to be better at for the new year, and that I wanted to "Be more patient with you guys, exercise more, and..." Pause.

"And not scream at us so much?"

Ummm. Why yes. Face palm. I laughed, but, HELLO! Wake up call.

Honestly, I've gone through my days without committing them to Him. I get so fed up and frustrated and scream at my kids after I've refused to ask Him to help me in the patience department.  I've moved forward with (small) business endeavors without committing them to Him, or even praying about them. I've tried to solve problems without Him. I've come to conclusions about myself (most of them not very nice) without consulting Him first and without remembering what He thinks of me (I'm His treasured possession {Deut. 26:18} - whaaat?!). I've forgotten that I don't have to be everything - and also try to be and do everything without Him. If I'm rejected, the wind is just knocked out of me. If I feel un -loved, -wanted, -admired, -successful, etc, I am just out for the count. I need to cry out to Jesus that I am not enough and BELIEVE that He is enough, before I attempt something (like getting out of bed in the morning, for example) and cry out to Him that He is enough if what I've hoped for or hoped to be fails. I need to not let all the other voices cloud my mind (even well-meaning ones) and first listen to the ONE voice that matters. I spend so much time comparing myself to others who seem to have it together so much better than I do (or envying the people that don't have it together but are okay with that!), or anyone else that is more "        " (fill in the blank!) than me. Blogging, pinterest, social media, and all the things that I let influence me pile up. Everyone else may truly BE better at me than everything but HE is enough and I am enough only because of Him.



And so, my word will stare at me from the window sill all year long. I have to say - I probably wrote and re-wrote the word "enough" on that canister with that stinkin chalk pen fifteen times until it looked as "perfect" as it was going to get. Funny (and symbolic) how I can't even make my word LOOK enough in my eyes.

I picked a word that I know I can never truly be. But God will be enough and He will make me enough. So freeing. I'm so excited.

******

Happy New Year friends! Anyone else want to share their word for the year? I've noticed a lot of word-sharing on blogs in the past few days. Love.


In a week or so, I'm going to be getting a blog makeover (I can barely contain my excitement) and to celebrate I'm going to do a giveaway! It's going to be a giveaway containing some of my essentials for/things I've been loving so far this winter. This is gonna be fun. Bring it, 2013.

5 comments:

  1. I just visited your blog by happenstance today - wondering if maybe there was something new, and lucky me! There was something that you wrote TODAY! :)

    I laughed, or maybe chuckled, rather, through most of this post... and not a happy little giggle laugh, but a "Oh my word has she (um, and Brynlee!) got me pegged!" Sigh.

    Great post, and I think most moms need to hear it! I have no idea what my word would be. I'm already thinking of it in terms of opposites: What's the opposite of wishy-washy? What's the opposite of selfish? What's the opposite of.... oh wait, I think I'm defeating the purpose of the exercise.....

    :)

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  2. Ashley,
    I loved this post and felt like you were reading my mind. I hadn't thought of choosing a word for the year but "enough" sounds like a good focus for me. Thanks for the encouragement at the start of a new year!

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  3. Ash, you have such an amazing way with words. And your heart. Oh my friend you have one of the most genuine hearts. This post resonated with so much going on in my life. And I may steal your word "Enough" too. I love you!

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  4. Once again you have touched me and had me in tears. I am so glad to have someone like you in my life who I can relate to so much. thank you for your honesty and your genuineness. Why do we kill ourselves trying to be enough in every role?! I am so glad you shared thus and so glad God is enough! We are in this together! Love you!

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  5. That was the best blog post I have read in a long, long time. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart. And for being inspiring.

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