Thursday, January 3, 2008

a new leaf

I am boring. I often hesitate to blog because of it. I find myself writing not for myself & for my own enjoyment/therapy, but for others.... Who will be reading? What will they think of me? If I don't mention so-and-so will they be mad? How much do I share? Who really cares about my latest painting project or my horrific week with the kids? I try to always be positive, but let's face it, life is not always positive. What will all of these people, most who barely know me, think of me if I'm vulnerable?! I also have a hard time because I don't feel like I "fit in" in the blog world... I'm not a mommy (trust me, I've tried to "befriend" plenty... and many never acknowledge), not a great writer, I don't fit in any one mold. It's so hard with the whole mommy blog thing, because I practically AM a mom... only I'm "raising" someone else's kids. It's just hard to feel so rather left out but also be so included. I'm having a hard time expressing... ugh. Sometimes I feel like just deleting this whole thing.... and here I am. I'm not really one for new years resolutions.... but I've made a decision. No deletion... but I am finished. I'm finished with doing everything for others and leaving me for last. I'm not even meaning "do" in a literal sense, but more in what I say, feel, think, write. I'm ready to not worry about what others think... I'm so ready. So what if I'm boring, I'm going to write about my boringness anyway. So what if I only get 2 comments... I'm in this for me. And perhaps, this whole "me for me" on the blog is also a metaphor for my life...

Whew. Let's get it together.

I was thinking back on this past year... in general, I considered 2007 a pretty uneventful year. I soon realized though... this past year has been full. Full of blessings & excitement. So I decided to make a list (I THRIVE on lists) of my favorites of 2007... just for me. :) In no particular order....

-buying our house in April and spending the entire spring and summer gutting the place and making it home... and we were able to spend SO much time with our parents and families in the process
-finding out in June my that my sister in law was pregnant
-finding out this fall that my best friend was pregnant
-Ryan graduating in May with his masters
-my brother graduating from HS and my sister from college
-standing beside Beth at her wedding in September
-the birth of Addison Marie Morgan in May (almost June!!!) :) and throwing Carrie an awesome shower with AJ
-my job... in general. I've had my struggles with my job these past 3 years, but lately I've truly discovered my purpose at work... and having an 18-month old chase me around all day saying "A-A-Ashee!!!!" makes any tough struggle completely worth it.
-going to Michigan to visit family with my mom and gram in November
-becoming kitty parents in May (don't hate!)
-finally feeling part of a church and meeting incredible new friends
-going to the 1000 Islands with Kerry and Rob this summer
-our April trip to Florida with my family
-starting a blog and meeting new friends... and becoming obsessed with reading blogs... Google Reader is definitely my new best friend
-celebrating our 3rd anniversary
-the American Idol concert in August
-ringing in the new year a few days ago with our great friends Amy and Jason
-going to the gym regularly (especially with Alyssa this summer!) and getting somewhat in shape... including running my first 5k this fall!
-discovering kickboxing!
-and... my husband accepting a NEW job just a few days ago!!!!

I'm sure I'm forgetting things... but looking back on this list makes me so, so thankful for the important people in my life and the ability to make memories and witness blessings. I already have so many things to look forward to in the next few months... Ryan's cousin's wedding this Saturday (Ryan's in the wedding), becoming an aunt next month, all of the new babies on the way, our trip to the OBX with Ryan's family in April... and so much more. This post was a mess, but I feel so much better getting it all down. Thus begins my 2008. :)


  1. I acknowledge you. :) Let me tell you, google reader can be your best friend, and your worst enemy. I read blogs in the reader, and seldom click out. Which, means I don't comment much-- also, I type excrutiatingly slow while holding an infant. So, I am reading!!!
    Hooray for so many great things throughout your year! And, hooray for a new leaf... It's hard to blog for others. I did that for so long, afraid of what others would think. Then, I stopped. Blogging was for me, my therapeutic outlet.

  2. Wow! You weren't kidding about not being a people pleaser anymore. :)You have just inspired me to not hold back. There are times when I feel like I have nothing to post; my life is so boring, does anyone really want to see another picture of Porter's mug, or hear another of my poorly written stories?!?! But none of that matters, we should be able to write whatever we want. If readers don't like us because of what we type, they don't have to read anymore.

    When you got to the part of your post where you talked about deleting your blog... my stomach dropped and my heart hurt for a second. You can't just abandon us like that Ashley! I'm going to be honest, I really would have been mad at you. Thank goodness you didn't delete!

    I can relate to all of the feelings you just expressed. I just want you to know you do fit in, I find you very intriguing, unboring, I check your blog everyday (sometimes a few times a day...stalker!) and even though I am still getting to know you I consider you a friend. I really don't feel like I fit into the mommy blog thing either, I often wonder if I really even have a place in the blog world. I hope I haven't ever made you feel excluded.

    Thanks for this post, thanks for your blog, and thanks for being a genuine person. I always feel like you really take the time to read what I have to say. And I always look forward to reading everything you have to say.

    xoxoxo - Lindsey

  3. Good for you.. I have read simliar sentiments on many blogs. Your blog is yours. Also sounds like quite the year.

  4. Get rid of your blog? What kind of talk is that? Who cares what other people think. Just write what pops into that head of yours. Thats what I do.

    Congrats on the house, sorry about that cat. :)

    What job did your husband take?

  5. Ash I am so glad you didn't delete your blog. I look forward to checking everyday (or twice a day) to see what you and Ryan are up to. I don't comment much but I always read and smile. You actually inspired me to do a blog on building the house and then on Manny. I know what it feels like to get no comments, you are the only one to comment on Manny's and the house's blog....

    You guys have had a very eventful year and I'm sure the same of the coming one. Aunt Terri told me you will have a 4th to take care of. I give you credit for that!!! They probably continue to have children BECAUSE of you and how awesome you are. I've said it before, I wish we were closer to you so you could watch my kids; family is always better!!

    I've even started reading other blogs off of your favorite list...not much to do on bed rest!!


  6. umm I would like to say that you will always have me to undersatdn the pseudomommy feelings...maybe we should come up with a cool name for ourselves...mammies, noms,or raiseotherpeopleschildrenies?
    hehe-i'm tired ~Alyssa

  7. Ashely,

    Thank you for your openness and honesty. I very much enjoy reading your blog and apologize for not being better about commenting. I'll work on that! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

  8. I too was jumping to conclusions when you said "maybe I should be done" and thought you were going to delete the blog!
    You can't.
    And no, your life is NOT boring.
    I'm not part of the "mommy" group, and I won't ever be unless I adopt (which hasn't been decided) I relate to you in that I feel like my boring life won't matter to anyone but really? It's for me and that's all that matters.
    You are beautiful and your blog is so entertaining!
    Don't give up!

  9. AWE!! you can be my friend! B/C I am SOOOO boring! Blogging is a big popularity contest,.....who has the most hits, commentors, nicest templates...yaddi yaddi yah!


    I just sat here (before reading your post)and went back and looked at some of my first posts. You will be able to do that in a year too! Consider your time on her WELL spent! You are keeping up with the memories of your family, HOME, career (*raising someone elses kids*) and you can look back in awe! Not many people have that!!

    I SOOO acknowledge you! Even though I don't always comment...I try to visit once a week or two and catch up!

    KEEP blogging!~!

  10. OK, so hopefully my commenting doesn't make you feel like I'm your blog stalker... but I clicked through to your blog from Amy's a long time ago and I have been addicted to it ever since! I am so amazed with your home improvements, and I even stole your Oreo Bonbon recipe this year at Christmas. Who wants to read Mommy blogs? They're all about the same... cute kid, yadda yadda (just kidding, I actually HAVE a Mommy blog!). Keep blogging, even if it's just for your own therapy!! :)